Staying the Course

Staying the Course

Staying the course is something that can be difficult and it takes a lot of faith to stay that course. Whatever that course might be, self doubt, an easier way, or just plain giving up can knock you off the course. My course has been a 30 year course so far. I have been knocked off of my course more than a few times. Luckily I have always found my way back even when I thought that I did not deserve to be back on my course. Truth is I don’t even know where it leads or what lies ahead. I just have to keep my faith that if something keeps bringing me back after so many blows that either knock me off the path or stop me in it.

But how do we know if we are on the right path taking the proverbial right course? Is it a gut feeling something inside of us like an animal instinct? What makes us so sure that the course we are on is the one we are supposed to follow? Is it faith, that we believe we have followed the signs that old what’s his name has left for us? Is it our own will power guiding us in the direction we want to go? How do we know what is right? Could the path with less resistant be the correct one speeding us towards a great reward? The path with resistant could be tying us to make sure that we are worth what’s at the end for us.

It would be nice to have a Key Map threw life to help navigate the blind faith, or the grueling uphill struggles that leave us beaten and almost broken. To know that what lies ahead is what we truly need in our life. I personally would want to know but would be disappointed as soon as I found out.  

“Life is about the Journey not the Destination”  I am ending on this note that maybe staying the course is just what we do and there is no real end to the course or path we are each on. Maybe we are all just walking a path that twists and turns and bumps into or stalls out around other people and their paths. So we just stay our course and even when we feel we get knocked off maybe we did not maybe it’s still the same course just feels like it changed.

Either way…

Recovery

I am a man in recovery and at one time I thought that it meant that I was just not doing drugs or drinking. Now after 2-1/2 I am starting to understand that it is more than that. It’s about change and personal growth. Basically for me it means not being a complete ass wipe all the time.

            I guess at the heart of this blog is something a friend said to me this morning. He was praising a friend of mine that picked up 90 days clean and sober. But in those 90 days he has been kicked out of two houses beat up and almost jumped for his actions. His latest escapade is something that I would not have done even in my using days. My friend said he got 90 days and that is what we are trying to do here. It has bothered me all day.
            If that was all it was about to me I would still be a cheater, a lair, and a thief. I am so thankful that when I started on this path of recovery I was ashamed of the person I was and started to make changes in the way I acted. Maybe I should let just be ok with the fact that some people will stop doing drugs but continue to be worthless. But for now I am not. I am learning new lessons everyday and today’s is another one on acceptance and tolerance.
            For now I will just keep my boundaries with people like that and live my life the way this program has taught me.